am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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