I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
