At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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