stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
