Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
