You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
