Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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