I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
