I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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