I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
even my farts smell like vagina
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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