Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
