I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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