im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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