Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
