Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You may now shotgun with the bride
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
