I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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