she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
