dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
