If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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