If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
