stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
