I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
