i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
