me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
