Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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