seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Randomize
