took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
