After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
