$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
