Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
