I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
