Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
