Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
