is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
