he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
