Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
