omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
