I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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