I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
