when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we're making bets on your personal life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
