No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
