I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
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i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
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I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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