Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
There r osticjed everywhere
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
