Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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