He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
