Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
