Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
