Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
two words...techno handjob
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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