My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
