Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
