I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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