They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
