Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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