I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
