Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
