SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
