Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
