I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
