oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
