So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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