I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
