I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
