Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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