Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
