I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
