im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
