Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
