Barsexuality is the new black.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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