i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
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