Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I know her cup size but not her name....
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
