First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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