how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
