the new term for farting is butt boxing.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
